Asking for help

So let me tell you a little bit about my 6 year old son. He started going to therapy when he was about 3. When he would get upset or overwhelmed, he would shut down on me and I didn’t know how to help him or pull him out of it. I could ask him over and over what was wrong or what happened, but would get no answer from him. He would just hold his head down, say nothing, and not move. Now his younger sister was able to tell us what was wrong with him. Like she would say “he is sad” or “he is mad”. So, it was good that she could tell us what was wrong with him but I really needed him to be able to tell me. From my understanding, his dad had been diagnosed with bipolar and had his own issues. I didn’t know if my 6 year olds problem stemmed from that or not. I am not about the medication so instead, I asked the doctors about therapy. Instead of medication, I wanted him to get some help and I also wanted myself to get help and learn how I can help him better than I was. Once I found someone that I really liked, it took a little time, but my son seemed like it was working. It wasn’t an overnight thing though. We were going every other week. She would help him to learn different emotions in ways I hadn’t thought about. She also helped me learn different ways of helping him through his emotions when he would shut down on me.

After we did therapy for little bit, I put my 3 year old, at the time, into T-Ball. We thought that maybe if he was with other kids his age, that he would be able to get some socializing skills. Well, turned out that in T-Ball, he only wanted to play with me. Lol. At home, he would play all day. Once we got to the fields, with a coach and other kids, nope. He wanted me to play. I would tell him that he would need to listen to the coach and play with the coach and his new friends. Mind you, we are still doing therapy as well. But I would have to go onto the field with him while the other team batted and then go with him to the plate in order for him to bat. And really, I would be the one to hit the ball and then carry him to first base. Lol. We did this for half the season. He eventually really liked his coaches and just one game, he said “mom, I got this” and went to bat all by himself. To me, that was mile stone for him. Even the coaches were amazed at how different he was in that game. They made the comment on “I don’t know what got into him but we like it”. I couldn’t agree more. Over the years, playing sports and going to therapy off and on, he has improved so much. There for little bit, his first practices that he would have with his sports, he plays baseball, baseball, and football now, he wouldn’t act shy and little backwards. They would ask every kids name and he wouldn’t be able to answer. Even in his first year of basketball, his first game he would slowly walk back and forth on the court and not play. He never made it out of the middle circle because of how slow he would walk, while the other kids would be running back and forth. However, his first practice of playing flag football (at the age of 6), which was a new sport at the time, he was able to go up to the coach and kids and was able to tell them his name. Let me tell you, this momma had tears in her eyes. There have been little things that to me, are huge for him. It seems like such a normal thing for other parents to see the kids be able to talk and say their name to someone, but for me and my son’s history, it is such a milestone for him and a huge step that he has taken. Even the baseball season before that, I had him on one field and his sister on another. So after her game, we ran to his to watch the end. He was sitting on the field and the coaches didn’t know what to do. I asked if he was hurt. They told me no. I said just leave him and I will get him in a minute once I got over there. So once we got to the dugout, I ran out onto the field to pick him up and bring him into the dugout. I asked him what was wrong and he didn’t answer. But when it was their turn to bat, he pulled himself out of his slump and finished the game. Now mind you, he was almost 6, and had never been able to tell me what was wrong with him. I was happy that he finished his game though, because his first game he shut down and did not. Anyways, on the way home, I asked him what had happened and why he was sad. He told me he wasn’t sad, he was hurt and mad. And bring on the water works from mom. Lol. He told me that the kid on first base ran into him while he was going for the ball and he wasn’t able to get the ball. That was the first time ever that he was able to tell me what was wrong and why he shut down. Not only did he tell me, but it was even after the game and we were on our way home. This kid of mine, I tell you, has improved so much by going to therapy and us getting the tools to help him. Now even his first game of flag football, he let me know that he was scared. I told him that it was okay to be scared but he was going to have so much fun and to just listen to the coach. That is what he did and he loved every bit of it.

I guess moral of this story is that it is okay to ask for help. It is okay to not know how to help your child. It is okay not to understand. I didn’t understand why he would shut down like he did. I didn’t know how to help him or to get him to talk to me, even at a young age. Therefore, I asked for help. Now, the therapist does think that my child has a little bit of ADHD but she is also not wanting to do medication. It is about consistency and routine. If the routine is going to be off, I make sure to have a conversation with all three of the kids so they know it is going to be different. I do that to try to prepare them for the change. But ask for help if you need to. There is no harm in it and you are not alone.